I'm sure you knew that, so maybe this serves as a reminder. However, I was just opening my post, having come home from a hard day of trying to cram some education into the skulls of some of Rochdale's finest - also thickest - young people, when I came across the type of postal cowpat that makes modern civilisation seem like a backward joke.
A credit card company, bereft of decency, intelligence or - surprisingly - the slightest awareness of finance, has repeatedly sent me reminders that I owe them a penny. That's read. ONE WHOLE PENNY!
The stupid buggers have been sending me these letters for several years now, and I can't see any point paying them. They can stick it up their arses.
It's difficult to convey just how much dread opening this monthly slap in the face of my intelligence this horseshit is. For one thing, how the hell I ended up paying for something costing 0.01 pounds with plastic is beyond me. Most likely I just paid them a penny less than the full amount in some devil-may-care pirate moment of trying to screw the system. Or it was a mistake, I don't know.
They - being worthless money lending bastards - have to legally cover themselves, pretending not to be a group of ignorant, light fingered tossers. This means that they include a column of spew-inducing semi-literate crap about how, if I am experiencing financial difficulty, I can call one of their trained baboons who will fart down the phone to me, grooming itself and beating its offspring with a stick as I whine on about being unable to pay my bills. I mean, ONE WHOLE PENNY!
I've also been candidly advised that, if I delay with my repayments it will cost more. I should opt to pay them off in 36 monthly installments to see the demented gibbons overheat their one brain cell as they struggle with the maths - hint, the answer is 1/36th. I cheated by using fractions.
In addition to that, I would like to point out that I will not be planning any more open heart, breast beating pieces of psychology debris waving in the near future. So, out of my vast array of three readers, anyone who actually knows me and reads this because it's far preferable to actually talking to me, then rest assured no more of this will take place anytime soon. The post in question was just necessary at the time - I rarely feel like that, but there you go.
And to my former readers who no longer read this, get stuffed. No idea how I'll get the message to them, but there we are ...
A rather pleasant Post Script:
I was marking homework today when I came across this gem in a 12 year old girl's work - an account of a soldier in the Battle of Agincourt:
"I was pleased to survive. When I got home, my mum and dad gave me a little party."
See? Children aren't all mono-syllabled, knife weilding, dangerously unstable sociopaths. That's only most of them.
A credit card company, bereft of decency, intelligence or - surprisingly - the slightest awareness of finance, has repeatedly sent me reminders that I owe them a penny. That's read. ONE WHOLE PENNY!
The stupid buggers have been sending me these letters for several years now, and I can't see any point paying them. They can stick it up their arses.
It's difficult to convey just how much dread opening this monthly slap in the face of my intelligence this horseshit is. For one thing, how the hell I ended up paying for something costing 0.01 pounds with plastic is beyond me. Most likely I just paid them a penny less than the full amount in some devil-may-care pirate moment of trying to screw the system. Or it was a mistake, I don't know.
They - being worthless money lending bastards - have to legally cover themselves, pretending not to be a group of ignorant, light fingered tossers. This means that they include a column of spew-inducing semi-literate crap about how, if I am experiencing financial difficulty, I can call one of their trained baboons who will fart down the phone to me, grooming itself and beating its offspring with a stick as I whine on about being unable to pay my bills. I mean, ONE WHOLE PENNY!
I've also been candidly advised that, if I delay with my repayments it will cost more. I should opt to pay them off in 36 monthly installments to see the demented gibbons overheat their one brain cell as they struggle with the maths - hint, the answer is 1/36th. I cheated by using fractions.
In addition to that, I would like to point out that I will not be planning any more open heart, breast beating pieces of psychology debris waving in the near future. So, out of my vast array of three readers, anyone who actually knows me and reads this because it's far preferable to actually talking to me, then rest assured no more of this will take place anytime soon. The post in question was just necessary at the time - I rarely feel like that, but there you go.
And to my former readers who no longer read this, get stuffed. No idea how I'll get the message to them, but there we are ...
A rather pleasant Post Script:
I was marking homework today when I came across this gem in a 12 year old girl's work - an account of a soldier in the Battle of Agincourt:
"I was pleased to survive. When I got home, my mum and dad gave me a little party."
See? Children aren't all mono-syllabled, knife weilding, dangerously unstable sociopaths. That's only most of them.
7 comments:
A penny? That's so wrong.
"I was pleased to hear about the 12-year old. Maybe her mum and dad have half a brain."
I wonder how much it costs them to continually send you those reminders. And if you did call them and keep one of the baboons on the line for a long time, you know it had cost them at least one banana.
Now you can't run for office or be famous...the tabloids would be all over you for this ghastly crime...
The credit card people are actually vampires. True story.
That 12 year old knows more about the Battle of Agincourt than I do. Is that the one Lawrence Olivier won?
when I was a student I had a bank account and once I graduated and moved away they kept giving me statements: one month $8.00 then the next month I'd get a service charge and it would be down to four dollars...on and on until The service charges had me owing hundreds of dollars for an account I hadn't used in years. The dips are probably still charging me
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